(Fuck you Skiddles – I’m not getting sued)

Why is eating so hard?

Maybe you have heard of the phrase “eat the rainbow” as a simple way of reminding you that a variety of fruits and vegetables in your diet will get you the vitamins and minerals you need. It also calls out the fact that you can learn a lot about your food just by looking at it.

The color of your food can tell you a lot about its nutritional value, and eating a variety of colors is one sure method to get as many of those vitamins and minerals as possible. In other words, it’s not fucking difficult to get the vitamins and nutrients you need from a solid, balanced diet.

Let’s look at some examples:

Scenario 1: This person is a picky eater. As a child, he developed the idiosyncrasy whereby he can only eat white food. (I am not kidding. I personally know this dude.)

Example:

• Pasta with butter sauce
• Bread with butter
• Egg whites
• Milk
• White chocolate

Crazy, right? I assure you there are people out there who think this way about food.

Scenario 2: This person is a vegetarian. He follows a lot of diet trends, researched super foods, and has carefully constructed a diet that is sure to get him all the protein he needs, as well as assuage his conscience that said diet is as low-impact on the environment as possible.

Example:

• Kale
• Brussel Sprouts
• Quinoa
• Rice
• Tempeh
• Almonds

Man, doesn’t that look healthy and good for you.

Scenario 3: This person is a lifelong lifter, living on a diet of beef, chicken, rice, potatoes, and fruits and vegetables on occasion. This guy tracks his macros and generally tries hard.

Now I ask: which diet is the best?

Obviously the second one – the choices alone are preferable and nutritious.

Unfortunately, it’s time to burst your bubble.

All of these diets are horribly incomplete. While scenario 1 is retarded (I strongly advise that you reevaluate your entire life if you think that looks appetizing, let alone good for you), all scenario 2 has done is sprinkle some greens over the white food. Scenario 3 has introduced red into the mix, but there is still an incredible lack of variety and choice.

Now, don’t misrepresent me. Just because “more color is more better” doesn’t mean you’re all of a sudden healthy. (I’m looking at you, sarcastic fucks who will comment about eating skittles.) 

There’s a little more to it. To further explain, I’ll reference this chart that took me less time to Google-fu than it did to write this sentence.  

Check that shit out!

See those inside letters? Good! Those are essential vitamins you need. (Ya know, ones your body can’t make.) Next are the non-essential vitamins. Your body can make those, but it’s still vital to your existence to consume them. After that, the chart shows which body part you’re supporting via color, and finally, the amount of time to cook each one (if that’s what you’re into or whatever).

Look how easy that is! Seriously, why do we as a species even need this post?

The politically correct answer is that humans are too smart for their own good and instead of just eating the shit on the ground, we decided to “fix” our food. But let the talented and yoked AF Muscle Hamster tell you more about that.

I’ll wrap this one up.

When it comes to health and nutrition, it’s important to remember that focusing too much on any one thing—especially when it comes to micronutrients—is retarded. For most people, as long as you eat a well-rounded, balanced diet with foods that are in season (read: cheap because it’s always the produce that’s on sale), and you’ll get the shit you need in a form your body craves.

Do this, do it every day, and for the love of God, don’t get obsessive about it. Life is too short to develop an ism that’s sure to exist for this.

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